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forever
等级:Senior
文章:384
积分:3400
门派:张家港
注册:2008-2-29 21:58:10 |
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 幽默故事集
（1）我还不认识她呢 I Don‘t Know Her
A couple(一对夫妇) walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately(动情地) kissing.
"Why don‘t you do that?" said the wife.
"Honey," replied her husband, "I don‘t even know that woman!"
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（2）老夫妻吵架 An Old Couple‘s Quarrel
A couple of codgers got into a quarrel and came before the local magistrate. The loser, turning to his opponent in a combative frame of mind（心绪,心情）, cried: "I‘ll law you to the Circuit Court."
"I‘m willing," said the other.
"I‘ll law you to the Supreme Court."
"I‘ll be there."
"And I‘ll law the hell!"
"My attorney will be there," was the calm reply.
一对性情乖僻的老夫妻发生了争吵，一直闹到地方法官那里。败诉的一方以一种临战的姿态冲着对方嚷道：“我要到巡回法庭去告你。”
“愿意奉陪。”另一个说。
“我要到最高法院去告你。”
“我也陪你。”
“我还要到地狱去告你。”
“我的代理人会奉陪的。”对方平静的说。
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（3）士兵的高招 A Soldier‘s Brilliant Idea
导读：
乘飞机旅行时，你想找一位美丽的姑娘作伴，该怎么做呢？请看一看这个士兵的高招吧！
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice(启事) on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance(为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置), thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeeded in having the company of the girl(与这位姑娘作伴) during the whole trip.
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（4）大制服 Large Uniforms
During our first three days at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, we were herded from place to place for haircuts, shots and uniforms. Back in our barracks, the drill instructor told us to put on our uniforms and fall out in front of the building. Some of the uniforms, however, were extremely large. As we filed outside, the sergeant stood by the door with his assistant. "We have to take some of these people back for refitting," he said. "That last man took two steps before his uniform moved."
在圣安东尼奥的莱克兰空军基地的头三天，我们被从一个地方赶到另一个地方去理发、照相、领制服。回到营房之后，训练指导员让我们穿上制服，在营房前原地解散。但是，有些制服特别大。我们列队的时候，中士和他的副手就站在门边。“我们得将一些人弄回去重新量一下，”他说，“最后那个人走了两步，他的制服才动。”
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（5）探望病人
When my wife went in the hospital for surgery several years ago, a rule prohibited children under 12 from visiting patients. Our 11 －year －old seemed to understand, but our six －year －old took the restriction very hard. We discovered why she was so unusually upset when we heard her talking to her mother on the phone for the first time. As she said good bye, she tearfully exclaimed,″I‘ll see you when I‘m 12,Mom！″
几年前,我妻子动手术时,医院有条规定 禁止12岁以下的儿童探望病人。我们11岁的孩子似乎能理解,可6岁的女儿对此却非常伤心。等听到她头一次给她妈妈打电话,我们才明白她为何如此分外激动。在电话里,她边说再见,边哭着喊道 妈妈,等我12岁时一定去看你！
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（6）那就更糟了 Much Worse
Much Worse
Policeman: Why didn‘t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they‘d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
中文：
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
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（7）单簧管 Clarinet
When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board, and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.
He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?" Scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinets are okay. Have a good trip," and, smiling, waved him on.
单簧管
我在一个交响乐团演奏时，我们乐团与一家大航空公司达成协议，哪些乐器可以带上飞机，哪些乐器要作为行李托运。一个大提琴手惊愕地发现他那精致、昂贵的木质乐器竟要托运，经受行李舱内的低温以及野蛮的装缷。
他干净利落地解决了这个问题。他手里拿着大提琴，走到门口的空中小姐跟前，问道：“我可以将我单簧管带上飞机吗？”她检视了一下单子，答道，“单簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快。”然后微笑着挥手让他进去了。
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（8）模仿鸟儿 Imitate Birds
A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the producer.
"Imitate birds," the man said.
"Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."
"Well, I guess that‘s that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.
模仿鸟儿
一个人想在一个舞台剧中找份工作。“你能干什么呢？”负责人问。
“模仿鸟儿，”那人说。
“你在开玩笑吧？”负责人答道，“那样的人一毛钱可以找一打。”
“噢，那就算了。”那名演员说着，展开翅膀，飞出了窗口。
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（9）安眠药 Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn‘t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That‘s fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
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（10）要求加薪 Asking for a Raise
At the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldn‘t bother people in the outer office.
After listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing around with low moans, maniacal screams, hysterical laughter, pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed the manager‘s secretary, she looked up and inquired, "Asking for a raise again?"
要求加薪
我在一家电台工作。经理把我叫进他的办公室，让我预试一下我们准备购买的一套新的音响效果设备。他关上门，以免打扰外面办公室的人。
听了几个常规的音响效果后，我们开始试听低声的呻吟，狂乱的尖叫，歇斯底里的大笑，哀求逺和枪声。最后我开门出去，从经理秘书旁边经过时，她抬起头问道：“又要求加薪了？”
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君子之过也，如日月之食也，过也，人皆见之；更也，人皆仰之！ |
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